#rule 101 – never let your emotions take over you.
i carry my emotions on my face too often i think it’s getting too much to handle.
it’s bad once it start eating you inside out cause what’s left is nothing.
for i’m neither good in honesty nor pretendence.
it’s okay when nobody else understands me,
but, somehow, when it comes to you, i wish you did.
i wish you did.
i stopped and think for a moment.
do we need a reasons for everything?
take for example, is there a reason to be happy? is there a reason you do certain things?
I spent the whole of last night thinking about a reason to be happy. And I’m probably the reason why I’m not happy or so i think. I have been swimming in misery, playing fire with my emotions. I read once that the people that believe themselves to be happy are just as happy as those people that are really happy. And being happy is something that comes from the heart, why do we need to find a reason to be happy? Because there’s no reason, a reason is probably something to protect yourself from. And I should be happy happy happy. And seriously stop digging my own grave.
maybe when we grow older, we seemed jaded to think we should have a reason for everything.
why do we grow up?
why do we have to work?
why do we have emotions?
why do we have complains?
i’m full of complains and i could very well just pissed myself off badly.
little things could trigger it all.
haven’t been in the best mood in recent days.
ok, it’s not really full of complains, but this unknown angst, but maybe i do know why, ok, maybe i don’t, not the main point.
the main thing is, i’m not happy……
P.S/ Happy Mother’s Day to my dearest MUM.
Thank you for your care and undying love.
I can never thank you enough.
Even on mother’s day still have to wash all the steamboat stuff. hahahahah.
I love my mother.
After a week long of rest, I’m finally well and back to work. I don’t remember myself being this sick, this might be the first. But the truth is, it was scary shit, having high fevers, coughing, bad throat infection, something that you won’t have wished for. Having a temperature of 40.5 was no kidding, I almost scared the shit out of myself. But glad it’s all over because it was really a bad experience.
So I stayed home most of the time, on Thursday to Sunday. Met yan on the 2nd visit to the doc, it was unplanned but a concern from an old friend was probably what I need. So much thinking on my mind during the period I was sick, but I know it was all unnecessary somehow. Because I don’t need too many facts slapping me right at the face. Or probably I don’t wanna know the truth. For this, I rather live in denial.
As long as everyone is safe and happy.
It’s always not about me anyway.
Back to work. Back to reality.
whenever, you, your name, your everything appears infront of me or in my ears, there’s always this hidden heartache, unexplainable, not logical, indescribable, but it hurts.
you’ve always been like a sudden wave; just when i thought things were alright, you hit me like the wave that brings me back to reality knowing things are the way it is, and like time, there was no turning back.
it started to rain just 2 minutes ago.
the sound of breaking hearts was covered up by the pouring rain.
ran out of words to say.
hoping they will do just fine.
heartbreaks were never easy to conquer.
you just have to let it flow in, and feel it.
this is life, which apparently sucks.
