i’ll hold yesterday in my heart;

sometimes, no need for words to be put across, no need for things to show, you will just know it when you’re no longer part of something. when it happens, it just happens.

i came across something interesting. read below!
The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the “Peanuts” comic strip. You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just read the it straight through, and you’ll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Acheivements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

i know i have been in and out of this topic a million times, i’m back here again.
a live example of a procrastinator has got to be none other “Pamela Yu”.

- i figured out that it’s time to pursue my degree seriously. so is it business or marketing or mass communication? 2 years of hardcore studying, can i handle it? i doubting it. but for the future that lies ahead, looks like certain things leave no room for choices.
- i figured out that i’m ageing very fast, how time fly us by. no longer 21 soon.
- i figured out that i should cherish what i have now and enjoy life.
- i figured out that i do not need a reason to be happy, i just need a new view of life.
- i figured that if i continue taking cabs so frequently, i would prolly go bankrupt because of that, exaggerating i know, but point put across. hahahah.
- i figured out that if i continue smoking, my cough ain’t getting any better and my health is going downhill, a new immune system is what i need, if only we could purchase it off the shelves. seriously speaking, i might be afraid of dying afterall. no joke.
- i figured i need to practice on being on time because it’s something i should do, and not so not to be labelled as being the late one always.
- i figured out that you can never change certain things in lifem you just gotta embrace it.
- i figured out that i should thank you for your life philosophy, cause i think i understood what you meant on human relationship.
- i figured i need to start working out before my fats turn into permanent fats, so come june, every tuesday would be cycling days, thursday would be gym days (hopefully), or sunday morning would be my golf day, healthy lifestyle you say.
- i figured that i need a new phone soon cause it’s pissing me off a little with the regular hang up in between conversation.
- i figured that i need an aircon at home because it’s fucking warm these days.
- i figured that i need buy alot of new stuff which equals to money spending days.
- i figured that i need to start saving money so maybe 10 years down the road i could buy my own place.
- i figured that i’m going to get a tattoo soon, before my 22nd, and fuck, i’m turning 22 in less than 4 months, it’s very fast actually.
- i figured that i need to be more stern at work, no more siao acts, act fierce.
- i figured out that i should no longer find an excuse. a crappy life is an excuse for having a crappy life. ok, pointless but get the point alright.
- i figured that you are so out of my life, we can never be friends, maybe give us 2 years down the road, we might be by then. goodbye my love, hopefully.
- i figured after a long conversation with an older person, i think know what i’m looking for in life, or perhaps what i should be looking for. i think at certain point in your life, an older person gives the best advice when you are confused, regardless of work or relationship.
- i figured that i love the people in my life, no doubts about that.
- i figured that i love the way my life is now, the lifestyle, the people in it. the only thing to be cut down on is just clubbing and drinking.
- i figured that i need to stop being an alcoholic and look at this world in a sober state. HHAHAH.
- i figured that i need to try weed one of these days, waiting for reliable sources. HAHAHAH.
- i figured that i’m been eating too much lately that i dare not to even use the weighing machine.
- i figured that i need to keep my credit card away from me.
- i figured that i need to talk to my mum often, but sometimes she just irritate me.
- i figured that maybe i should stay at home and watch drama all day.
- i figured that i need to go on a holiday soon. maybe genting to gamble with the parents. and i see the need to go to bkk, hk and taipei this year. come what may. start saving you.
- i figured that i really talk alot of nonsense.
- i figured that it’s time to stop, but i could go on you know.

are all this considered complaints or nonsense?

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.

to my dearest cousin,

like i say before, i may not give the best advice or lend the best listening ears, this i wish i could have more to offer. When it comes to you, i always hope for the best for you, wanting you to be happy. these days you look so troubled, but i have say my piece on what i think, i could only listen and hopefully to take the load off you. the rest is all up to you. If he’s the one who you see where your happiness lies, stay strong, one day, he’ll come to realise that you’re the one instead of her, he’s just too pre-occupied with alot of things now. But your life revolves around him too much, let him come after you, not the other way round. you’re too soft-hearted, thus he knows where to act on each time he make you unhappy. And because your love for him is too much, you expect too much, that’s why the hurt and disappointment is always on your side. Don’t let yourself become an option of others. Whatever your decision is on, i may say that i don’t like him cause he makes you unhappy, but do know that i will support you regardless of what. Be strong my girl.

When the going gets rough, remember to be strong!

i’m just rambling and my thoughts aren’t even clear to me at this point of time.
smokey thoughts, blurred vision, unclear mind.
i had so much more to share, but i kept it only within myself. i know i haven’t been talking lately, but it’s not me keeping things from you, and the fact that i can’t seem to keep anything from it says it all. how do i start to tell you that everything just felt weird? no? or like you say, maybe i’ve been weird. you know that honesty never my thing to begin with, i don’t know what to be honest about or where to begin. i miss talking. i miss it alllllll. despite the less of everything, you’ll always be 1 of the best.

just been having alot of things on my mind lately, hope things would be alright soon.

the world stops when you’re near
my world stops when you’re near
somehow it does.
seeing you almost everywhere doesn’t help much.
even when i don’t see you, i hear you almost everywhere.
it’s hard pretending to not care.
i just gonna keep avoiding.
 

the week past faster than anything, but then again, it’s always been this way.
everything was all fine excluding the on-going cough that just won’t stop.
and yes, it boils back down to me not eating medicine.
and so, friday i met bei and jimmy for dinner at nana thai, after which it was butter night with my fav girls / not a heavy drinking day due to the fact that i drove there. ending the night when the club close, supper and sleeping at 7am in the morning, reason being that for the longest time i was this sober after a friday butter session that i had to watch gossip girl finale to feel sleepy.
and saturday was movie night out with the my fav girls, i slept the whole day waking up only at 6pm, suppose to head down to butter but i laze at home till 11plus to meet the girls for “Made of Honour” staring my very charming Patrick Dempsey, hahahahaha. the show was not bad, just like any other typical romance movie.  

and afterwhich was supper at 7-11, seeing myself having a way big appeitite, chat till the sun was almost out and we all went home to sleep.
and sunday was hmm, i woke up quite early, laze the whole day at home, wanted to head town to get something but was pretty lazy, so 8 plus, jon came to fetch me despite the fact that i could have drive myself to his place, he cooked dinner for me, and we played mahjong till 11 plus, bei came over to look for me and i insisted on jon sending us back. hahahaha. oh ya, did i mention i lost 40cents? how lame. and we spend about 10 mins smoking and talking downstairs, and there goes my good friend going on and on reminding me how important he is that he cooked for me, somemore must come fetch me, then waited for me then still buy bubble tea then after everything still have to send me back. ahhahahah. and i swear he nags like a girl, worst than me at times. and prolly,the only one who will ask me not to pretend that i say i forgotten about wenjie, and he who also happens to be the one i can’t tell certain things to because he would tell wenjie. he sucks. hahah. and so went home to bei’s house and slack the whole night there, watching tv and talking till i fell asleep at 2 plus i think, waking up at 7.15 at her place and rushing to work, late. hahahaha. but i’m loving such company, where we always talk till we fall asleep, ok, i meant me falling asleep. and sad to say, it’s back to reality today. i starting to hate work and i can’t wait for pay day.

Can’t wait for my sex and city up this week!

THEY’RE BACK! 1 of my fav tv series. it better be gooooooddd.
Carrie is finally getting married!

on a side note, i kinda miss the little brother who i haven’t seen in days.
and my stupid phone is low batt again, and it happens on every monday. fuck.
and this post is too long, i just go on and on, crap.

have you ever, like me, wish you could be more than what you are to other’s?how will we know if we ever make a difference in someone else’s life?
that’s not the point at the end of the day i guess.
as long as we’ve tried, i think it’s good enough.

like i always say, appreciation is not just a 12 letter words, it meant more than that, and very often people mis-used the word, or maybe that’s when people take others for granted. It’s a kind of thing that comes from the heart, no need for much words. my case, i lost my words in my thoughts.

i’m done here.

at times, i wish things were simpler.
at times, like now, i really feel very helpless.

the mind that never stops ticking or questioning.

it felt so distant between us.
memories are what we have left.
for time changes everything.
it will never be the same again.
no amount of words i say would change the things are today.
the things that you said had ended it all.
the love that we once shared became the yesterday.

i come to realise a couple of things. and it’s only when everything quiet down, when you are all by yourself, you will be able to think calmly and absorb what people have to say, somehow, 1 way or another, things does happen in a way, and it only happens when you let it happen. And somehow i let it happen. No regrets cause i’ve learnt too. i wanna look for the kind of happiness that comes from the heart, even the simplest thing like watching a baby’s smile could be a kind of happiness. Life only come by once. I wanna think back 10 years down the road that i had a fulfilling adulthood despite the fun teenhood i miss out on. Life give no chance for turning back.

Life is simple, don’t complicate it.
look at things in a different angle;