i’ll hold yesterday in my heart;

after talks with the older family members, they very much make sense.
i guess they have been there and done what we youngsters have been through.
one of the very thing that they say is, “everything is fake” and “when you give, don’t expect anything in return.”
give with an open mind/heart, and as long as the receiver is happy, don’t expect the same thing or anything in return.

just now i heard the song, “Nothing gonna change my love for you”.
“If the road ahead is not so easy
Our love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding star
I’ll be there for you if you should need me
You don’t have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I’ll help you see forever too
Hold me now, touch me now
I don’t want to live without you “

-

we know deep down inside, nothing is forever.
what kind of things are forever?
are we all pretending that certain things can be forever?
or at this time, we only want to see what we see now and not think of what the future lies?
or we’ll only see when certain people will show their colours?
what is forever?

so my whole week was kinda alcohol intoxicated and insufficent sleep.

tuesday it was after work activity with the colleagues.
- dinner at holland v.
- saw david tao while walking to car park. HANDSOME!
- ktv at clementi.
- 10 plus drinks at acid bar with zx.
- sleeping well at 2 plus in the morning.

wednesday it was long-time-no-ladies-night!
- nana thai with the girls.
- clarke quay for ladies night cheapo drinking.
- zouk loving.
- hotdogs.
- sleeping only at 4 plus in the morning.

thursday tiring day at work.
- reaching work only at 10am.
- seh talk in the morning with ahtan.
- dinner with ben. food + drinking + smoking. perfect.
- long chat about life.
- mairah joined and lame jokes was everywhere.
- sleeping only at 2 plus in the morning.

friday crazy day.
- meeting in the morning.
- jap lunch with shaun.
- rushing for plans the whole day.
- dinner with the girls.
- went back home at 9 plus.
- chill at home with bei.
- 1am, me, bei and erjie was seen at zouk.
- zx came and we dump him there. hilarious.
- drank alot, shots, beer, vodka.
- had hotdogs at 2plus.
- photo taking session. we took 70 over pictures in less than 30 mins.
- ben came and continue drinking.
- left only when phuture close, drunk by then.
- supper at mac, seh talk, throwing things everywhere, asking strangers lame jokes.
- slept over at bei’s place.
- i had a crazy and fun night.

oh ya, i saw aloy at phuture too!

sat was lazing day.
- woke up ate breakfast.
- watched tv the whole afternoon.
- went back to sleep till 7 plus.
- drag myself home to shower and all.
- 12 plus it was a trip to malaysia for supper.
- cheap cig + cheap dvd + cheap food.
- funny road trip. cousin-in-law showing his “inner ah-beng” as he drove my dad’s car.
- blasting ahbeng music in the car.
- traffic jam.
- reaching home only at 4 plus in the morning.

sun was work work, play play, dinner dinner.
- woke up at 2 plus, nua in bed.
- went over the bei’s house.
- she only came home at 5 plus, so i did my busy work.
- shiok shiok steamboat.
- relationship talks.
- as i’m typing this blog, i’m drinking.
- finished 7 bottles of carlsberg.
- chicken wing + satay at 1 plus.

-

haven’t really been hanging out with the girls. why?
this week will be a very long week, off from thurs-sun, can’t wait.
i hope it won’t be a alcohol intoxicated week again.
i drank from tues to sunday except sat.
need to go for a smoke now.
till then.

time changes alot of things. from time to time, changes takes place. it’s fact we can’t run away from. and very often it’s the fact that we always try to hide from. well, at least for me.

it’s 4.30am in the morning, i could hear the silence of the night so clearly that it scares me.
is this it?

my horoscope read;
“The conflicts or challenges that are going on in your life right now may be making it tough for you to stay smiling all day long, but are they really all that bad? Give your problems another look, and you’ll see a silver lining in all the clouds. Be open-minded about the fact that things happen for a reason — and you will know what the reason is soon enough.”

is friendster’s horoscope freaky or is it just signs?
very often, friendster horoscope is on the spot.
i should just think positive.

moving traffic, uncertain weathers, ticking clock, blinking traffic lights, morning breeze, rising sun, birds flying.

Uncertainty.
Life is an exquisite agony of decisions and uncertainty.
and so we know, we are constantly challenged by every moment of life.

The reason why uncertainty seems so scary is the same reason why people are afraid of death. Because, although it’s a realm that everyone knows it exists, no one knows exactly how things will turn out, unless it’s after the fact. People try to bring predictability to uncertainty by second guessing the different outcomes of a particular decision. But because of the many possibilities in life, trying to fathom the unknown is equivalent to fishing for a needle in a haystack. If we know that the future is beautiful and full of nice surprises, we’ll gladly step into the unknown. Vice versa.

so what’s the deal here?
what do i want?
stability, feeling at ease? or uncertainty (for i don’t know what’s what…. yet) ?

do we reject uncertainty or do we embrace it?
“stability” over challenges?
tricky like how good o’ saying about life’s a gamble.

tell me, what is it in everyone that deep down in that corner, we are all reaching for?

-

-

 
when you don’t quite know if that’s a glimmer of hope or the door closing in on you?

Pamela· says:
where got meinu?
Pamela· says:
you still haven’t tell me.

clara | paris ; says:
HHAHAHA
clara | paris ; says:
chan clara lo

Pamela· says:
who the fuck is clara chan?
Pamela· says:
dog chan si bo?
Pamela· says:
that one i know.

clara | paris ; says:
HAHAHAHA SIBEH IDIOT LAH U!!!
clara | paris ; says:
my heart is broken!!

Pamela· says:
you come back i bandaged for you.
Pamela· says:
you my number 1 distraction at work leh
Pamela· says:
for the last how long we talking, i never do work and keep laughing to myself.

clara | paris ; says:
HAHAHAHA isnt tt a good new to hear?
clara | paris ; says:
why work so hard
clara | paris ; says:
nt like they will reward u by giving u the company
clara | paris ; says:
AHAHAHAHA

hahaha, be safe, be happy. embrace paris baby!
till the day you’re back.
and i hate the fact that you’re not here.
but then again, even if you’re here, you also MIA.
break my heart always.
i’m such a lonely soul.

if things could go back in time, would it still be the same now?
if i took notice of the signs, would we be where we are now?
if i had speak up, maybe things would have been different.

the distance between us is inevitable.
i guess it’s just part and parcel of life.

Titus told me that alot of things in life is not really that fun..but we will get by
and very naturally i told him that, life finds alot of ways to bring us down, but i guess at the same time, it gave us the same reason to stand up and fight.

isn’t it strange at times you can very easily utter that few sentences out, but you always find it hard to apply to the very “life” you’re talking about. in other words, this is probably what they called the “easier said than done” stunt. i could go on and talk alot about sense and life, but as strange as it seems, when it comes to myself, i always raise the white flag or do the cold turkey. because the rule of sense and the big sayings doesn’t work here nor myself. the mind often get overpowered by whatever that comes along the way. here’s the reality check, this is probably the real “life” we’re talking about, something i would call the ”denial”. nobody like the truth anyway.

/swing life away.

suddenly life took a turn.
my world shook that hard, what’s left was silence;
the silence that i never had imagine,
it was so clear, i could hear the tears.
it was so clear, i could hear the emptiness.
the feeling that was so lost.

when i woke up from that dream;
it occur to me, that i was probably standing there alone.
too much for me to take, i just wanna disappear.
but that ache, it never disappear.
won’t you take that ache away from me?

i could disappear for a few more days,
not like it matters? seriously.
but, i…… dont wanna know.
the truth hurts.

how i wish all these was just a dream?
a dream that i do not have to wake up to.

/it was back to square one.

today the 18th April 2008, it’s a friday, it’s a love love love day.
and a day where memories flow back to the day all of us stepped into that screwed up class.
hahahaha, but despite the screwed up class, i met great friends and they have been a very big part of my life.

from class skipping, talking in class during lectures, having major conflicts in school mainly because the class is too big, met weird classmates, relationship formed, eating and snacking in class, after school town activities, bus ride to town, the random bbq at east coast, projects rushing, splitting of class, loving eunos, so-so queenstown, having fun, taking photos in class, airport trip, staying over at sue’s, going geylang in shorts, playing with baby brandon, russell peters jokes, lazing around, getting lost in in xiang’s car on the way to sch, scaring mich at the stairs and library, watching oc in class, eating canteen food, playing cards in canteen, gossip gossip, daily dose of yakult, overloading of snacks because of the $50 voucher i have, acting crazy in class (i swear we’re always the noisy one), mugging for exams in the library, mrt and bus ride home, mrt and bus ride to school, wake up calls in the morning, and many more if i were to continue on that 1 year duration in school.

How time fly us by, cause we know each other for 3 years.
But it felt longer than that. so let all the memories flow by all this very day, cause i think i have alot of pictures. haahahhaaha.

too many photos, abit lazy already, so last picture!

We all used to be just classmates, nothing more than going to school together and occasionally after school activities, but everything changed last year.
and i really appreciate every little things, and now, we are not just classmates.

I LOVE YOU ALL!
AND THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!!

the day my nephew turn 2. the small 2.
how times flies.
friday was all fun, everyone gathering together, drinking to our hearts fill. gossiping and making fun. illegal smoking. overload ourselves with bbq food and alcohol. spicy food. nice cake. smokey firecrackers. people watching. spoilt toilet door. great company. everything.
and seeing all of them so happy, gives me a reason to smile again from within.
and these are the things in life that are so innocent.
and the whole family are major camwhores cause i’ve got 79 pictures in my folder. hahahha.
very very step step huh!!

and ya, happy birthday baby yeo!!
thus presenting Javier Yeo and dajie!

told you it was a smokey night. hahah.

PRESENTING MY “FAKE” MUM & DAD! HAHAHA.

 PRESENTING THE REAL DEAL. MY MUM & DAD!

 it was a fun night, crazy indeed. we all had fun!

-\-

p.s/ come back soon, i need to talk to someone.

takes things easy, life would be easier. i need to let myself relax and not give myself too much pressure. my life never good to begin with, and i know it myself, thus why do i put myself out there and expect something good to happen? why? the higher you expect the higher the disappointment. and i should have know earlier. i should have.