i’ll hold yesterday in my heart;

could things get any better.
all i wanna do now is probably just sit one corner and cry to myself.

i thought it was going to be all fine was all high spirit about career fair.
until mid day where i find myself with fucking low morale and low moods.

- my leg hurts so much. i swear i don’t mind getting cut… but blister in the feet… not my fav.
- my eyes hurts, was dry, till almost everyone who saw me had to ask what’s with my eyes. cause i was blinking non-stop.
- no leads generation and i had to stand the whole day. stand for 8 hours.
- started to count down at 6pm, but the time tick slower than usual.
- finish work only at 8.45pm cause we need to clear up.
- was very hungry but was too tired to get anything to eat and while i’m typing, i’m eating the breakfast i bought this morning which i put in my bag cause this morning i was busy folding boxes, had no time to eat the sandwich i bought.
- and with my leg hurting so bad, with my back hurting, with me being so dead tired, i walked down in hope to take a cab, but was long que, i saw 857 at the bus-stop and hop into it because i just wanna get into any vehicle which will bring me away from suntec as soon as possible.
- 1/4 of the bus journey or probably not even 1/4 of the bus journey, my mp3 player died on me. ARGH!
- after which i try to take a nap, and 3/4 of the bus journey, water droplets from the air-con had to fall on me, waking me up from my nap and i didn’t stand up because my leg refused to move and i had to tolerate that few little drops of water every few minutes throughout the last 1/4 of the journey back.
- and yes, i was awake and stoning, stoning stoning, before i know it… i missed my bus-stop.
- drop off the next bus-stop, very pissed off with myself, took a cab back.
- despite the short less than 5 mins journey back, the cab driver keep talking non-stop about the avenues in yishun.
- pissing me big time.
- reached home, saw my bed, tears just drop.

everything sucks plus the many things on my mind.
i’m tired, physically and mentally.

take me away.

i miss the times when i had nothing to worry about.
i miss the times when all i do whole day was have fun, eat and play.
i miss the times when living in the protection of the adults.
i miss the times when all i had to do was to be a kid.

don’t we wish somehow, sometimes, all we wanna be is just a kid because when we grow older, it’s all about the truth and different side of life? taking up responsibility for every action you do when you grow up, thinking ahead of what lies ahead. sometimes it’s tiring being an adult. pros and cons about being an adult, we all know that. hahha, having so much work to do, i guess it’s just another day where i just hope to take everything off my mind, relax and feel like the sky is in my world.

KEEP GOING ON PAM!!!

on a lazy afternoon, i just had to copy and paste, so as to hold my promise just in case someone say i cock. say i cock sia.

IT’S A DATE!

Date: 9th March 2008
Time: 3pm
Venue: Marmalade Pantry (http://www.themarmaladepantry.com/)

the below chat text are abstracted from the conversation for reference and the last part is a proof of my free cocktail. hahaha. *COPYRIGHT BY PAM*

——————————————————————-

Michelle says: KNN LOR
Michelle says: SOMEONE OWE ME BRUNCH AT MAMALADE PANTRY FOR DAMN LONG ALR WOR
Pamela· says: i didn’t know you got a friend name someone, so cock the name, whoever came out with that name?
Michelle says: she is a cock what
Pamela· says: sheesh, i pity her.
Pamela· says: nvm, i nice soul, i bring you go, i sacrifice myself even though i don’t know her
Michelle says: -_-”
Michelle says: COCK ALSO LA U
Michelle says: hahhahahahahahah
Pamela· says: ….
Pamela· says: hahahahaa
Pamela· says: ok come come.
Pamela· says: we set a time.
Pamela· says: settle it once for and all.
Michelle says: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WTF
Pamela· says: because people now wanna bear grudges
Pamela· says: 3pm huh!
Pamela· says: 9th March 2008.
Pamela· says: go put on your calender
Michelle says: okay sure!
Michelle says: hahahahahha
Michelle says: 3pm!
Pamela· says: ok, mamalade.
Michelle says: eggs any style with your choice of sausage or ham or bacon & baked beans or sauteed field mushrooms or hash brown or chips
Michelle says: ok my choice
Michelle says: hahahahahahhahahahhahaha
Michelle says: tt will cost u 29
Michelle says: zomg
Michelle says: abit too much
Michelle says: ok i treat u cocktail
Michelle says: hahahahahhahaaha

——————————————————————-

like that can or not?

seriously..

seriously…

like seriously….

i think it’s time i accept the fact and face the music that things are just not going to change for the better or at least, i can come out with PLAN B on LOSING THE FATS because it’s making me depress. HAHHAHAHA.

 and the friends and families are seriously not helping at all. NOT AT ALL.

at 11.30pm, yes 11.30pm, they had to drag me out of my comfort zone to go for what supposed to be dinner. mind you, it was 11.30pm.  changed out of pyjamas, with messy hair, got into car and off we go to 925. who eats dinner at that hour, common sense tells that the food will not be digest and accumlate to fats overnight. tell me about it man!!!!!

925 where we indulge on stingray, crayfish, fishball soup, fishball noodles, chicken wing.
we finished everything
and yes, possessed by the holy pig ghost.
so sinful at midnight. i think i might need to run 24 laps to lose it all.

 -

no wonder, this morning i had difficulties waking up, i was heavier or so i felt heavier.
oh man…

- had a busy & great weekend
- had an early night
- woke up early
- woke up on the right side of the bed
- had breakfast

despite having all the above, i still had my grumbles in the morning, bet it’s just the monday blues and having to finally let it off my chest, i’m feeling so much better and looking forward to the week even though it might not be oh so fine with the impending career fair. but all’s good as long as the spirit is high up there, afterall i had a quite a good weekend so all is good. entering march soon, this is fast and march gonna be over before i even know. let’s all look forward to a wonderful and wild march 2008 which i’m kinda looking forward to. and yes, the great m’s birthday, who requested for an individual gift from me so that she can get more present and lots of suggestion which includes chanel bag and best if it’s my credit card. and to think of it, last year we weren’t that close so yup, just dinner and ya dinner. ahhahahahaha. 1 year pass just like this. and yes, i promise a better present than last year. of course a better present cause last year no present. HAHAHAHA. and no, not the chanel bag, stop dreaming unless 4317 decides to come out to play. hahaha.

and so i said i had a good weekend, waiting for that girl to send me the pictures.

waiting….
waiting…..
and still waiting…..

and HERE IT IS! presenting the crazy week.

friday was dinner at cine!!! then to wine hut and to butter fact. ahhaha for 2 consecutive days we were at wine hut then butter fact. crazy you say. at wine hut where we stoned, talk, drank for 3 good hours.
and the great one and i finish a whole bottle of red wine, we are crazy. and yes, it was another high night.

    

    

i think it’s the too much liquor that caused me to only wake up at 4 plus on a saturday, which end up nua-ing the whole day and off to meet the girls, wine hut and butter fact again. and yes, we’re loving it. ahahahaha. another bottle of red wine was finished up by the great one and me, along with top shell, it’s nice, and i think we drank too fast, and before we know it, the head was heavy and yet, we continue drinking at butter fact and dancing the night away like some mad people. ahhahaha. it was really tiring kinda dancing. hahahahaah. it was a good night!

Sunday was nua-ing day, so holland v was the pick to starbucks and dinner at crystal jade. It was a very very full dinner with mich and then we walked all the way to jelita cold storage, ate icecream at the bus stop. hahaha.
we do the strangest thing together. ahahha. but it was all fun.

what a week!
back to work!
good day to all! =)

sometimes words don’t come out properly from me or maybe at times i don’t know how to express myself. i guess it’s just me. But that’s not the point. You deserve much more than this, and you deserve to be happy. so keep smiling, you keep smiling. i will be here, watching over you, and should you ever need me, i promise i would be there, no doubts about that. i promise. =)

love,
pam

spending more time in office than i should compare to normal people who practically only work 8 hours and before the clock strike 6pm you probably won’t see them around. yes, i must be crazy this couple of days, spending more time than i should have, since last thursday, and then it was friday work load with end 8 plus, then it was monday finishing at 7 plus, then it was yesterday at 9.40pm! my work ends at 5.30pm. hahahah, that’s additional working hours with no OT pay. but not really complaining because the reason being me not leaving at 5.30pm because every morning, i sneak into the office which always failed with all eyes on me at no earlier than 8.45am, thus i felt the need to work that extra time to repay back. But then working and working, time pass, too engross, and before i know it, it’s that late. Can’t helped it, clearing up the mess that i created and trying my best to prove myself to people who apparently tries to put me down. corporate world you say, sucks, i would say it again, it sucks! the thought of career fair makes me even depress. ahahaha. but ok, today is wednesday and i love wednesday and very loooookingggg forward to meet the girlsssss because they make my life beautiful other than sasa. HAHAHAH. nice jap dinner and probably movie then back home to la la land. i need those sleep. and the thought of weekends, fri and sat party is definetly making sleep more tempting than ever, so i better get enough sleep this few days before i get sleep deprived over the weekends.

yes, and pictures of the place i spend the most time in. and just to show how scary is the campus when it gets late at night and the reason why i call mich every time if i leave late. it is scary.

-
THE HALF OF 3rd Floor
my office is on the left hand side directly down from the lift, there is still another row of office on the other side

the door to my department, B03-21, go buy 4D,strike give me alittle ok.

my department, very cheena with the cny decor, i know.

my very messy table.

the toilet i frequent, how to sleep inside? not comfy, and take a look at the window, it’s dark cause it’s night, day time can see outside the buses la, country club.

presenting the scary carpark, the path i had to walk to get out of the campus.

i realised that recent days i grumble alot and type alot of rubbish. hahahah. i don’t know why too. WEIRD.
I LOVE WEDNESDAY.
hope i don’t fall asleep on my table later.

gone are the monday blues and it’s hellooooo TUESDAY. and then it will be wednesday then thurs, then fri, then crazy sat, lazy sunday and the week just pass like these. OK! hahahaha, it is fast. but with no fixed plan for the week! actually i think we kinda have plans, just not confirm on whether to party the week away cause next week will be a no clubbing week for pam due to the fact that i had to work over weekends for the career fair. Like weekends……. are normally spend with the girls and next week, weekends spells “B O R I N G”. But then again, might just be a good reason to excuse myself from wild high moments! contradicting i must say. Let’s just take it week by week, settle this week first. haahhaah. =)

pictures from last week! SAT dempsey and butter fact. we are just club hoppers i swear, from way back long ago always high moments zouk to the very much loved and missed plush to the anyhow whack mos to the nice music butter factory! what’s next…. seriously! hahahha.

 DEMPSEY with unclear picture due to lousy photographer!

BUTTER FACTORY!!

-

And then it was yesterday, i saw my aunty in jurong,  she haven’t seen me since like i was in primary school, thus the reason she couldn’t recognise me when i called out to her, she only remembered me until i mentioned my dad’s name. It was nice seeing her after so long. hahaha. and she mentioned that she couldn’t recognise me cause i changed so much, but then, i didn’t changed much, even nana say i didn’t change at all when i mention to her that her mum couldn’t recognised me at all. and she said i looked meaty now. like……. and my weighing machine spot another increase digit, i’m a major depressed kid. i need to stop eating and eating and eating and exercise. JA JA JA JA JA JA, 3 months! i shalt be like her. =)

wanted to go back to sleep early yesterday till the little bro called on his chauffer to fetch him from novena back home. and being the very nice sister, i had to dote on my very only little brother and reason being i haven’t been seeing him that much and spending time, so i went home from jurong just to take the car and drove off to novena with chanel to fetch him. and he had to buy me my maggie goreng after i went to fetch him. ahahahah. ok, i insisted. but ya, fair what!

-

i had to bring her out for a drive before she become a mountain dog!

very blur pictures but heck, i need to fill this space with pictures.

ok boring monday.

i still slept late.

and now, i’m very tired, i could just sleep at my desk.

seriously, seriously, seriously..

time changes it all.

1.
2..
3…
4….
5…..
6……

this is how time pass. this fast. and time changes alot of things. people change as time goes by, people got closer as time goes by, people grew apart as time goes by, people grow older as time goes by, people die as time goes by. time at the same time, can prove alot of thing. Time is such a powerful thing, i wish i could stop time or wish there were more than 24 hours a day, more than 7 days a week. Because it seems i’ve been too busy that weeks pass like days and months pass like weeks. cutting short, i just wanna say, probably time would make us realise who’s there and who’s not, who’s true and who’s not, who’s real and who’s not. Because it felt like i’ve seen it all and felt it all. I have been happy, with at times some negative vibes, but in all, life is all so fine that i’m enjoying. I used to think that if one happiness causes another one unhappiness, it’s selfish, cause you don’t live in your own world, at times, you have to slow down and take a look at the people around you. But now, i don’t know if i feel the same way. I paused and think of the people around me, the word that came to my mind was dramas. Too many dramas, i’m exhausted. Cause i no longer know how to solve it. Somehow, a part of me feels bad cause all in all, it was me who caused this whole drama. But i don’t understand the whole problem. In life, you do not need to have alot of good friends to feel your existence in this world, because only a few would be true. And time would show who’s true, and who’s not. I haven’t stop thinking about anything. dramas, gossips, people talking behind you, people spreading, you can’t helped it i guess. People talk, and you can’t stop. But the thing about it is, what probably hurts me the most is not the topic of the gossip, but the people who are talking about it. I was expecting them to hear about it somehow but wasn’t prepared to hear them gossip about it. Esp from you. But i guess, this way, i learnt another lesson. That’s probably one of the reason, i chose who i tell everything to and to who, i’ve learnt not to talk to about certain things..

But then again, who am i to stop you or them from judging me?
Judge me for all you want. I’m exhausted.

I appreciate everything but i guess there’s always a limit to everything and it’s when too much is getting to me, when enough is enough, i just couldn’t breathe anymore.

*many wordsssssss cut cause there’s no need for all to know. for i have grumbled enough*
forgive me for it’s monday, i’m done here.

i know it’s not right to get all banging wall kinda feeling, but it was so close yet so far! 4317, 4317, 4317, 4317. it had to come out 4319. bad luck follows.

Sunday 17 Feb 08 Draw No: 2661

1st Prize 4319 2nd Prize 6424 3rd Prize 4547

-

see see see. so close, yet so far. my 10k flew pass me. there goes……
but then again, it’s all a game of luck.
if it’s fate, it will eventually come.
m says it’s a sign. so yes, let’s just continue with our lucky number. eventually it will just drop by.
may the luck be with us. hahahaha.

at times, i think it kinda silly to hope on something like that.
but i guess, hope is what keep people alive somehow.
no buy no hope, got buy got a little hope.
hahah.
HUAT AR HUAT AR!

off to bed to ease myself. dream on pam. =)