i’ll hold yesterday in my heart;

12 more hours to 2008. i am amazed at how time can pass this fast. 2007 is a year i would wanna look back and say to myself, that 2007 might have been one of the best year after so long.

- Seeing that my brothers are so much in love, makes me happy. Seeing that my parents are getting along well makes me happy. i know there are times when i act like a spoilt brat and appear to not care so much about them, but without doubt i love them the most.
- there’s bei who always make me feel at ease, a sister i never had, i hope 2008 will bring us closer cause i haven’t been a really good cousin in 2007. 
- there’s mairah who get emo together with me and smoke our life away. alway listening to all my nonsense and constanly correcting my english. the one who is just a ride away from late night smoking, waking me up every morning and always seems to be there for me. =)
-and there’s michelle who apparently can’t stop bullying or reading me that i can find no place to hide or retaliate. hahha, ok crap. but the one who i talked and talked and talked to the whole time, listening to all my emoshits and nonsense and not funny phrases. i know she don’t like emoshit, but i thank her for being willing to listen. hahaha.
- there’s nat who always seems to understand and can relate to. but haven’t seen her in a while, hopefully come 2008, will see her more often.
- there’s mitchell who laugh at what i say when the 2 Ms don’t find it funny. the one who i can disturb! hahahaha.
-there’s fiefie who always seems to show concern at the right time, and we always have laughing moments hanging out, and being my alarm clock. 
- there’s manda who always do funny things to make me laugh, who talk emoshit with me. hahha.
- Work has given me alot of opportunities, friendship found between colleagues, apart from daily lunch and hanging out time, some of them do give me alot of advices be it anything, and i’m grateful for that.

I’m thankful for every single one of them and i seriously hope come 2008, i can be a better friend to all of them. =) my new year wish is just to hope everyone i care for to be happy, for bei to stay happy and come back safetly from each flight and for mairah to stop thinking too much and be happy, for michelle to be happy and put 2007 behind, for nat to be happy, for mitchell to get back with mark and be happy, for manda to forget about what happen and be happy. may 2008 be a really good year for all of us. and yes, for me, mich, mairah and manda to have a new boy boy soon! hahahaha.

good news is finishing work at 4pm. can’t wait to party 2007 away. We will have fun. LET’S PARTY!

Goodbye 2007, Welcome 2008!
Happy New Year!
=)

the weekends was crazy, 2 days in a row at MOS, fri was really fun sat was alright. fri was supposedly at zouk, we went from town to zouk, to cafe iguana and ending the night at MOS that saw me getting high. haha. sun was golf and dinner. ok, my life is boring. ok, i take back, i meant, i am boring. alot of things on my mind, but just don’t know how to put into words and talk about it with someone else. i wish i could because it’s kinda killing me inside. it’s like a bomb with no time frame and that it might just blow up anytime, or waiting to blow up. i am exhausted, it’s getting heavier. i tried to be strong, but.. hmm, i just feel like lying on a grass field and gaze into the sky and feel like the stars can listen.

 the final countdown to 2008, no confirm plan. let’s just see. may it all end nicely. i wanna embrace 2008 with a fresh mind, leaving 2007 behind. 26 more hours to 2008. strangely, not quite looking forward to anything but i know, whatever it is i will have fun with the girls tmr. quoting OC, “how you celebrate new year eve is how you going to spend the new year.” so crap but whatever, we will be having fun, that’s for sure.

 Cafe Iguana on Fri!

 

 

 

3 more days to 2008. tell me again, can time pass any faster than this? wondering how are we ushering in the new year. same group of ppl, same quality and quantity of fun, can’t wait. looks like we are in for the fireworks and dancing the night away to usher in 2008. i seriously can’t recall how did i spend my new year eve, it seems like my memory is failing me or something, cause everything seems like a blur to me, last year, him. or is it just my mind automatically chuck memories at the back of the mind so that i don’t brood over it? if yes, my mind is amazing. if only there is a certain button to press and you can extract certain information that you want to retrieve to think back on, or certain button that you can press to delete certain people or certain memories that you never wanna think about. i realise i’m bad at remember dates and so. i need some tonics to boost up my mind. so for the time being, this place i shelter in will be where i stored my memories, hopefully for long cause i know i will get lazy one day and stop typing, but maybe next year i can read it all and try to recall how i celebrate my xmas and new year and how 2007 was.

and so it’s friday night, looks like the night is up for some zouk love and yes finally the fav bk dinner. may the night be all about fun. cause i seriously don’t remember when was the last time we actually enjoy ourself at zouk, in recent months or weeks (i lost the mind calender), ok whatever, it was all kinda unpleasant or just so so, that’s what i think and feel la, maybe the rest did enjoy themselves, i’m a weird girl so yup. hopefully we’ll all end 2007 with the perfect clubbing experience, the final friday of 2007 at zouk. =)

it’s been a while since we last had a heart to heart conversation, ytd was a good start after all the tension and no love kind thing. i realised that i might have been an ass, but all is over. may the new 2008 be full of love. seriously, i feel that after everyone started to hang around, there was simply no love and all. or it is just me? too many complications. i’m not saying it’s a bad thing,  i do love the company of everyone. but i miss all those happy moments when it was just the 3 of us. m says it’s not coming back. maybe, but i’m hope it will all come back again. i’m so thankful for mich and mairah, and the friendship we all share. i seriously hope it will all stays this way, for as long as it takes us. i appreciate them a whole lot, for all the fun, troubles, sadnesss, joy, laughter, everything. it’s like a gift from above, out of no where, we built this amazing friendship. and without doubt, 1 of the best thing that happen in 2007.

fiefie came to meet us after his thing and we end up taking photos and smoking our life away. mac was playing really nice dancy movey music that we kinda enjoy the moment just sitting there talking about life. a nice wednesday spent away from booze and all. reach yishun like all dead, but it’s been a while since we went home early on wednesday night! =)

-

the all smiles.

doing it the cute way.

 

doing it cool way.

emo yishun kids. fiefie suck though.

   

 =)

all smiles!
love,
pam

after a long 1 week break, facing reality and back to work tmr. so here i am back to the place i shelter in. Just in time to type, “Merry Christmas.” The season of love, the season of sharing, the season of forgiveness. How in the world did people come out with all this? But yes, it’s christmas, love is in the air. I have been saying it’s christmas too many times today till it way too overused. I have to stop and till next year i will utter that very word to everyone once again. ha ha ha. It kinda felt weird not having him around for christmas, thus mood was kinda weird last night. It just felt different, not that i don’t enjoy the company of the girlfriends. i love and hate festive season. a season of missing yet a season of fun and love. But thank god, i had fun with the girlfriends, went to mitchell place for meat loving dinner, then drew lots to decide where to go, then settling down at cafe iguana to chill. the 1st christmas together, nice and fun. looking forward to a new year! it’s 5 days away.  

 

Tuesday is today. And today is the last day of work before i embark on my 1 week break from the corporate world and embrace christms in the most fantastic way.

Christmas i say, it’s the season of love, where you embrace all those you love and tell them how much you love them. This christmas i shalt spread my love to those i care about! Seriously thinking of ways to cheer my two lovelies up, 1 seems to be thinking about something that she can’t let go…yet, 1 seems to be thinking of doing a disappearance act because i don’t seems to tell her about anything recently. i will come up with something….. soon.

and hopefully the rainy season decide to stop playing hide and seek with us, so prolly we could actually have a real pinic on christmas eve which m has been waiting for.

let’s just sing along to, “rain rain go away, come again another day.”

and yes, the rain is really getting on my nerves, apparently when i bring the umbrella, it doesn’t really come to good use, but when i don’t, it always start raining at 5pm. so stupidddddd.

i think i’m down with food poisoning which is really draining abit of my energy so hopefully it will feel better later so that we can start with our first plan of the 1 week break. Midnight movie on a Tuesday, a R21 show, and going with a 19 year old girl meaning we just have to whack and pray hard that they do not check at that really weird hour on a weird tuesday. quoting m, “no scare no scare, just whack!”

ok, i need to plan the rest of the week.

Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It’s not a day on a calendar, not a birthday, not a new year. It’s an event. Big or small. Something that changes us. Ideally, it gives us hope. Letting go of old habits. Old memories. What’s important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning.

At the end of the day, there are some things you just can’t help but talk about. Some things we just don’t want to hear, and some things we say because we can’t be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they’re what you do. Some things you say cause there’s no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.

saturday was love, how can it be any bad with the girls. with them, it was all joy and laughter. from town, to bedok to chapel close to cck to home. i’m loving it. but no photos, too bad. looking forward to next week with only 2 working days, and 1 one week break from everything.

 he got enlisted ytd. kinda shock me when i receive his call ytd. makes me wonder, what is going on? i have no idea. more time, to let things show and fall in place.

And just when you’ve gotten the lay of the land, the ground underneath you shifts. And knocks you off your feet. If you’re lucky, you’ll end up with nothing more than a flesh wound, something a band-aid will cover. But some wounds are deeper than they first appear, and require more than just a quick fix. With some wounds, you have to rip off the band-aid, let them breathe and give them time to heal..

the 12 of dec came and went. fast. hitting me so hard, making me realise that i wasn’t able to let go, not yet. everything seems to do a playback in my mind, memories seems so fresh, like it was only yesterday when we gave each other our heart, when you first held my hand, our holiday trips and all the first time. words left unsaid, i wish i could tell you my heart, how it hopes for you not to walk away. to tell you how much it misses you, how everything just gets harder at night and how much i hope you never say what you said.

People often see what they want to see. I have been living in self denial for way too long. I can see clear now… i know, being sensible is what i need to be now. the mind and heart thinks and speaks differently.

maybe it was the best option you have chosen for us. because the last few months of the relationship wasn’t the kind of relationship i would refer to as good or the best. but it all proved that the relationship couldn’t take the test, thus ending the 3 yrs relationship. we change or rather we grew up. we were no longer that same 18 year old kids, we are now 21. expectation change, the things we want changes from time to time. we couldn’t adapt to each other faster. but like good o’ sayings, girls tend to be more mature than boys. i know what i want, but you don’t seems to know what you want. but as long you are happy now, i’m glad for you.

tears shed yesterday shalt be the tears of yesterday. looking forward, not back. hoping all will end soon. it’s getting abit too tiring, too much for me to take.

-

may the future 12 be heartbreaking no more.

 Communication. It’s the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.